Why Do I Always Go Back To Drinking Again? / EP 112

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How To Break Free From the Drinking Merry-Go-Round

Understanding the science, psychology, and tools to help you stay stopped for good

The All-Too-Common Struggle: Why Do We Go Back?

For so many people navigating the path of sobriety, a familiar frustration emerges: you take a break from drinking, you feel great, and then… you find yourself back at square one. If this resonates, you're not alone. In a recent episode of the Sober and Lit Podcast, hosts Ruby and Susan dove deep into this question, unraveling the neuroscience, emotional patterns, and practical tools behind this cycle.

Your Brain on Alcohol: The Train Track Analogy

Repeated alcohol use forms “neural pathways” in your brain—think of them as well-worn train tracks. When you drink to cope with stress, to relax, or to connect, you carve these grooves deeper. Taking a break from drinking allows these tracks to atrophy, but the moment alcohol is reintroduced, the pathways “light up again,” making it way too easy to fall right back into old patterns. Sometimes the slide happens gradually, but often it feels almost immediate.

Ruby echoes this with a personal account, describing how after taking a break, a single occasion—like her birthday—sent her quickly from “one or two glasses” back to “one or two bottles, just like that.” This pattern isn’t a personal failure; it’s how our brains are wired to reinforce habits—especially those linked to coping and reward.

The Fading Effect Bias: When Memories Fool Us

One of the sneakiest mental traps at play is what psychologists call the “Fading Effect Bias” (FAB). After some time away from drinking, our brains start to romanticize alcohol. We remember the pleasurable moments (“It looked sexy, it looked like it tasted really good”), and conveniently forget the negative consequences—like brain fog, interrupted sleep, or regret.

FAB isn’t unique to alcohol—think of how parents laugh about the pain of childbirth, focusing instead on the joy afterward. But in sobriety, this mental bias can derail us, making drinking seem like a harmless, even enticing, option again.

Triggers, Dysregulation, and the Need for New Tools

Another central issue is emotional and nervous system regulation. For many of us, alcohol becomes the main or only tool to cope with overwhelming feelings, stress, or discomfort. When triggers hit and we lack other ways to soothe ourselves, it’s natural—almost inevitable—to go back to what “works,” even if only temporarily.

Susan introduces the “hand model” of the brain to help us visualize what happens during triggering moments. Our logical, decision-making brain (the prefrontal cortex) goes “offline,” and our subconscious and emotional centers take over—leading to instinctive reactions instead of intentional choices. When this happens, it’s almost impossible to just “think through” cravings; you need practical, embodied tools to regulate your nervous system in the moment.

Breathwork: A Simple, Effective Tool

Ruby emphasize breathwork as a go-to strategy for nervous system regulation. The “2x breath” technique—inhale for a count of two, exhale for a count of four (or longer)—activates the body’s calming response, helping you come back online so you can choose differently. Practicing this (and other breathwork methods) when you’re not triggered helps build the muscle memory needed to access it in stressful moments.

But the key is practice. Don’t wait for a crisis! Use breathwork in everyday situations—like driving to the airport or preparing for a challenging conversation—so it becomes second nature.

Challenging Hidden Beliefs and Embracing New Energy

There’s often a hidden belief underneath the cycle of returning to drinking: “My drinking isn’t that bad.” Getting curious about your internal narratives, and seeking support to explore them, is crucial. 

Inspired by the arrival of a new year and the symbolism of the Chinese Year of the Fire Horse, Ruby invites listeners to reflect: What matters enough to spend your next years on? Breaking free from the “drinking merry-go-round” can bring renewed adventure and courage to your life.

Final Thoughts: You’re Not Alone

Feeling stuck in cycles doesn’t mean you’re broken—it means you’re human, with a brain and body wired for habit. But with awareness, practical tools like breathwork, a willingness to challenge your beliefs, and community support, you can truly break free and stay stopped. Ruby encourages, experiment with new practices, approach your journey with curiosity, and don’t hesitate to reach out for help and inspiration along the way.

Ready for more tips and support? Contact me, Coach Ruby! 🧡

Website for Ruby Williams at Freedom Renegade Coaching https://www.freedomrenegadecoaching.com/

Follow Coach Ruby: @rubywilliamscoaching
Email: [email protected]

Grab your copy of our FREE WineFree Weekend Guide to help you on your alcohol free journey. https://www.freedomrenegadecoaching.com/WineFreeWeekend