Ep. 77 Do Sober People Really Judge Drinkers?

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BFFs and AFAF

Examining Social Dynamics, Personal Choice, and Compassion in Alcohol-Free Living

Deciding to live alcohol-free is a deeply personal journey, often met with mixed reactions from friends, family, and even strangers. In episode 77 of the Feel It Alcohol Free Podcast, Coaches Ruby and Susan take on one of the most persistent myths surrounding sobriety: “Sober people judge drinkers.” Through frank discussion and personal stories, they explore what really happens in social situations, how stigma arises, and why the reality is more nuanced—and compassionate—than many realize.

Navigating Social Settings While Sober

One of the biggest concerns for people who choose not to drink is how their decision will be perceived by others. Ruby and Susan both share experiences of feeling awkward in social settings, from family dinners to professional networking events. There’s often a sense that, simply by being present and sober, non-drinkers are holding up a mirror to others’ habits, inadvertently making them feel judged.

Susan recounts her efforts to make those around her comfortable—including pouring wine for her mother—to show she harbors no judgment. Yet, she’s noticed a visible discomfort among others once they learn about her alcohol-free lifestyle. Ruby echoes this, recalling group dinners where others declined alcohol, perhaps to avoid perceived judgment, even though she made it clear she had no issue with others drinking.

In these situations, the discomfort rarely stems from judgment by the sober individual. More often, it’s self-consciousness or a fear of being judged—proving the myth often says more about the drinker’s internalized concerns than the attitude of the alcohol-free person.

The Judgment Mirror: Reflections and Reality

Why does the myth of the judgmental sober person persist? Ruby notes that, when she was still drinking, she sometimes judged those who didn’t. It’s a two-way street: drinkers may feel uncomfortable around the sober, and sober people may recall their own past judgments, creating a cycle of assumptions.

As both coaches now emphasize, their stance has shifted entirely to one of empathy and compassion. Having navigated their own complex relationships with alcohol, Ruby and Susan stress that sobriety is a personal journey. They reject the notion of judging others’ choices, focusing instead on personal well-being and offering support to those who seek it.

Planting Seeds, Not Pushing Agendas

A major theme that emerges is the difference between “preaching” abstinence and living by example. Ruby and Susan rarely offer unsolicited advice or information about alcohol’s health impacts—unless someone expresses genuine curiosity.

Susan references a quote by St. Francis of Assisi: “Preach the gospel at all times, if necessary, use words.” In other words, leading by example and authentically living one’s values is often the most powerful message. This creates a “ripple effect.” Both coaches observe that, over time, family and friends around them have become more moderate in their drinking, sometimes simply because the social push to imbibe is gone.

Rather than judgment, the result of sobriety seems to be gentle inspiration and increased inclusivity in social gatherings—like offering alcohol-free options by default during holidays.

Protecting Personal Peace and Mutual Respect

It’s not only drinkers who may feel judged; sobriety can attract scrutiny, defensiveness, and uncomfortable questions. Ruby and Susan stress the importance of self-assurance—being rooted in one’s own reasons for living alcohol-free and not feeling compelled to justify those choices endlessly to others.

Their advice: Stay in your lane, don’t argue, and don’t push others to accept your perspective. Everyone comes to their own awareness at their pace. Dropping the need to convince or defend often leads to more accepting, harmonious interactions.

Sobriety as Freedom, Not a Soapbox

Ultimately, the episode busts the myth wide open: most people living alcohol-free—especially those who’ve experienced problematic drinking—are not judging others. They are, above all, compassionate and supportive, understanding how personal and gradual change can be.

Alcohol-free living is about personal freedom, health, and joy—not about making others uncomfortable about their choices. If questions arise, Ruby and Susan share information with empathy, never condemnation.

Final Thoughts

The takeaway? Judgment is far less common than assumed. Sobriety is, at its best, a quiet invitation to curiosity and self-reflection, never a mandate or a measuring stick. By living openly and compassionately, sober individuals can foster understanding, respect, and genuine connection—whether at the dinner table, the party, or beyond.
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Ruby Williams at Freedom Renegade Coaching https://www.freedomrenegadecoaching.com/

Follow Coach Ruby: @rubywilliamscoaching
Email: [email protected]