What If Sobriety Is Really About Self-Love? EP 138

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You Can't Hate Yourself Into Sobriety

What if lasting alcohol freedom starts with having your own back?

“I’ll love myself when I lose the weight.”

“I’ll feel better about myself when I stop drinking.”

“I’ll be proud of myself when I finally get my shit together.”

Sound familiar?

So many of us spend years believing self-love is something we have to earn.

But what if we have it backward?

What if changing your relationship with alcohol isn’t something you accomplish so you can finally love yourself?

What if learning to have your own back is actually part of how you change?

When You’re There for Everyone Except Yourself

For much of my life, I was really good at taking care of everyone else.

I was a single mom. I worked hard. I went through child custody battles, foreclosure, a demanding career, gaining 100 pounds and eventually weight-loss surgery.

My approach was basically: keep going. Fix it. Push through. Handle the next thing.

Eventually, alcohol became one of my coping tools.

And something happened that I didn't fully understand at the time.

I started breaking promises to myself.

“Tomorrow I won't drink.”

“Tomorrow I'll do better.”

“Tomorrow will be different.”

Then tomorrow would come... and I'd do it again.

Looking back, one of the biggest things alcohol took from me was my relationship with myself.

I stopped trusting me.

You Can't Hate Yourself Better

You can't hate your body into better shape.

That idea eventually followed her into sobriety.

Because how many of us have tried to shame ourselves into drinking less?

“What is WRONG with me?”

“Why did I do that again?”

“I have no willpower.”

“If I beat myself up enough, maybe this time I'll finally change.”

But shame doesn't create the relationship with ourselves we're actually looking for.

Self-compassion doesn't mean giving yourself a free pass.

It means getting curious enough to ask what's really going on.

What Do I Actually Need?

One of the most powerful things I've learned is to pause and ask:

“What do I really need right now?”

Maybe you're tired.

Lonely.

Hungry.

Overwhelmed.

Angry.

You may think alcohol is fixing the feeling, but often it's simply switching it off temporarily.

If you're lonely and drink to numb it, you may become even less likely to call a friend, make plans, join a class or create connection.

The thing that's supposed to solve the loneliness can actually keep you lonely.

I know that cycle well.

As my drinking increased, my world became smaller. Once I started drinking, I had a rule that I wouldn't call anyone.

I was lonely... so I drank.

Then drinking made me more isolated.

Alcohol wasn't solving what I needed.

Try This One Question

Here's an experiment.

The next time you're about to pour a drink...

Say yes when you desperately want to say no...

Push through when your body is begging for rest...

Pause.

Put your hand on your heart if that feels good and ask:

“If I had my own back right now, what would I do?”

Don't judge the answer.

Just listen.

Maybe having your own back means going to bed.

Calling someone.

Setting a boundary.

Eating something.

Taking a walk.

Or choosing not to drink tonight.

Those little choices begin rebuilding something incredibly important:

Self-trust.

Self-Love Is a Practice

You don't wake up one morning magically loving every part of yourself.

Self-love is a relationship you practice.

It's listening when your body tells you something.

It's saying no without writing a five-paragraph explanation.

It's getting curious instead of critical when you struggle.

It's making choices your future self will thank you for.

And sometimes self-love means saying:

“I’m ready for support.”

Because asking for help isn't evidence that you failed.

It can be one of the most loving things you do for yourself.

So today, forget trying to become someone worthy of your love.

Start smaller.

Look yourself in the eye and say:

“I've got your back.”

And then make your next choice from there.
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Website for Ruby Williams at Freedom Renegade Coaching https://www.freedomrenegadecoaching.com/

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