Ep. 66 Why Alcohol Isn’t the Reward You Think It Is

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How to Break the Cycle of Reward Drinking and Discover Authentic Self-Care

Introduction: The Myth of Alcohol as a Reward

For many of us, the end of a long day or week is punctuated by the ritual of pouring a glass of wine or cracking open a beer—our “well-deserved” reward. This habit is so deeply woven into our culture and psyche that we rarely pause to question it. But is alcohol truly a reward? Or have we been programmed to accept a fleeting pleasure—often followed by regret—as self-care?

In Episode 66 of the "Feel Lit Alcohol Free" podcast, coaches Ruby Williams and Susan Larkin dig into the common practice of using alcohol as a reward, offering thoughtful alternatives and actionable tips for transforming our routines. Let’s explore these ideas and learn how to replace the alcohol-reward cycle with genuine pleasure, nourishment, and joy.

The Reward Trap: Why We Turn to Alcohol

We’re taught from an early age that rewards come after hard work—good grades, winning a game, or meeting expectations. As adults, this morphs into the narrative that we “deserve” a drink after a stressful day or to celebrate a success. The pattern is so normalized that we rarely question whether alcohol is, in fact, a true reward, or simply a form of temporary relief or escape.

As Susan points out, this reward system is reinforced not just by brain chemistry (alcohol provides a dopamine hit to our pleasure centers) but by cultural messaging. The result? A cycle of over-functioning, exhaustion, and self-soothing through substances, rather than addressing our real needs.

Reward or Relief? Asking the Right Questions

A powerful shift happens when we start to interrogate our habits. Is reaching for a drink really about celebration and pleasure, or is it about needing relief from overwhelm, fatigue, or dissatisfaction? As Ruby explains, the role of a coach—and the work we can do ourselves—is to ask probing questions:

- What *is* a real reward for you?

- Does this reward leave you feeling good not just in the moment, but the next morning?

- Are you using alcohol to compensate for saying ‘yes’ too often, overfunctioning, or not meeting your own needs during the day?

When we examine our motivations, we can break the cycle of self-sabotage and begin to meet our needs in healthy, lasting ways.

Beyond Alcohol: Discovering True Pleasure and Self-Care

If alcohol isn’t the answer, what is? For many, the hardest part of an alcohol-free journey is relearning how to care for ourselves, find comfort, and create meaningful rituals without substances. True self-care, as Susan and Ruby emphasize, is about nourishment, replenishment, and authentic pleasure.

Five Senses Approach to Joy:

Dive into your five senses to identify what feels genuinely good:

- Sight: Nature walks, beautiful images, fresh flowers.

- Sound: Music, laughter, the sound of rain or ocean waves.

- Smell: Aromatherapy, candles, or your favorite kitchen spices.

- Taste: Herbal teas, high-quality chocolate, new flavor experiences.

- Touch: Soft blankets, a hot bath, cozy sweaters, or a massage.

Instead of saving all your pleasure for the end of the day, find ways to sprinkle little joys throughout—read a chapter of your book over lunch, step outside for a breath of fresh air, or play your favorite song on a short break.

Mini-Rewards and Small Acts of Self-Kindness

Rather than “crawling to the finish line” and rewarding yourself with alcohol, practice giving yourself small, nurturing pleasures all day. This might be taking a real lunch break, saying “no” to nonessential commitments, or experimenting with new hobbies and playful activities. Rediscover what made you happy as a child—drawing, dancing, or simply playing.

Breaking the Cycle: Redefining the Word 'Reward'

One insightful takeaway from Ruby and Susan’s discussion is the suggestion to retire the word “reward” altogether and replace it with terms such as “pleasure,” “nourishment,” or “self-care.” By doing this, you reshape your relationship to rest and enjoyment, focusing on what fills you up rather than simply helping you escape.

Conclusion: An Invitation to Experiment

If you’ve been using alcohol as a reward, know that you’re not alone—and that transformation is possible. Get curious. Make a list of small joys, experiment, and find what feels genuinely supportive. With time, you’ll discover that true rewards are the ones that leave you feeling nourished, refreshed, and truly lit from within.

For more support, consider joining our program “Feel Lit 21,” designed to help you find new ways to care for yourself and connect with a like-minded community. Let’s toast—alcohol-free—to a life that’s rich with authentic pleasure and self-love.

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Grab your copy of our FREE WineFree Weekend Guide to help you on your alcohol free journey. https://feellitpodcast.com/Guide

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Ruby Williams at Freedom Renegade Coaching https://www.freedomrenegadecoaching.com/

Follow Coach Ruby: @rubywilliamscoaching
Email: [email protected]