Is Alcohol Making You Choose the Wrong Person? Sober Dating with Krysia Shaw / EP 140

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What dating alcohol-free can reveal about chemistry, compatibility and the relationships we actually want

You know the feeling.

You meet someone. There’s an immediate spark.

Your stomach flips. You can’t stop thinking about him. You’re already wondering when you’ll see him again.

Add a couple glasses of wine and suddenly...

This guy is AMAZING.

But is he?

That’s the question we explored with midlife dating coach Krysia Shaw, founder of Date Your Destiny and creator of the 3-Date Method.

And full disclosure... she’s also my dating coach.

Dating and Drinking Go Hand in Hand

Before becoming alcohol-free, I honestly can't remember thinking about going on a coffee date.

Dating meant drinking.

“Let’s grab a drink.”

Wine helped calm the nerves and made conversation feel easier.

Krysia remembers doing the same thing. On her way to a date, she'd sometimes call ahead and ask the man to order her a glass of wine.

Why?

Nerves.

But what if instead of numbing nervousness, we learned how to experience it?

Krysia now suggests something surprisingly simple: admit you're nervous.

That vulnerability might actually create more authentic connection than trying to drink the feeling away.

Chemistry Isn't Compatibility

This was one of my biggest dating lessons.

I used to choose based heavily on attraction.

He's handsome. He's sexy. There's chemistry.

Great!

Except eventually I might discover...

I don't trust him.

We're not compatible.

Or sometimes... I don't even really like him.

Krysia taught me to look at three things:

Head. Heart. Heat.

Head is practical compatibility: lifestyle, finances, children, location, retirement plans.

Heart is how you want to feel: seen, respected, understood, cherished.

Heat is attraction and chemistry.

Think of them as a three-legged stool. If chemistry is towering over everything else, the relationship can wobble.

Alcohol Can Create False Intimacy

Alcohol can make us feel flirtier, braver and more open.

But we raise an important question:

Are we actually being more authentic?

When alcohol dulls our awareness, we may miss discomfort or red flags. We might become physically intimate faster than we intended or create a sense of closeness before trust has actually developed.

Dating alcohol-free allows me to ask something very different:

Who am I when I'm fully myself with this person?

And who is he?

“But What Do I Say About Not Drinking?”

This is a HUGE question for women dating alcohol-free.

My advice?

Don't make it complicated.

You could simply say:

“I stopped drinking because I genuinely feel better without alcohol. It's a lifestyle I really value.”

You don't owe someone you've barely met your entire story.

And if being alcohol-free is important to you, saying so can actually help you filter.

You're not trying to appeal to everyone.

You're looking for someone compatible with YOU.

Dating Is a Skill

Perhaps my favorite message from Krysia is this:

We weren't taught how to date.

Many of us learned through trial and error, chemistry, heartbreak and relationships that lasted longer than they should have.

So if you're single again in midlife, you haven't failed.

You can learn.

You can get clearer.

You can slow down.

You can stop trying to fix people.

You can trust yourself.

And you can absolutely find love again. Krysia shared that she has worked with a woman finding love at 71.

Maybe getting alcohol-free gives us one more incredible gift:

The chance to stop asking...

“Does he like me?”

And start asking...

“Do I like who I am when I'm with him?”
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🧡 Book a clarity call with me and let's chat: https://calendly.com/williams-ruby/discovery-call

Website for Ruby Williams at Freedom Renegade Coaching https://www.freedomrenegadecoaching.com/

Follow Coach Ruby: @rubywilliamscoaching
🧡 Email: [email protected]

Grab your copy of our FREE WineFree Weekend Guide to help you on your alcohol free journey. https://www.freedomrenegadecoaching.com/WineFreeWeekend